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DIGITAL LITERACY & WELL-BEING WEEKLY
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Unrequited: When Parasocial Relationships Impair Well-Being
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Christine Elgersma
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Senior Editor, Learning Content Strategy
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<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Hi Anonymous,
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Take a second and think about
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="this question">
this question
</a>
from our prompt-based podcast series (also available as
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="game cards">
game cards
</a>
),
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Carpool Conversations">
Carpool Conversations
</a>
: "Ever low-key feel like you're friends with a celebrity?" Spoiler: I answer "Yes." 😊
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
The concept of these one-sided feelings of kinship with public figures
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="was born">
was born
</a>
in 1956, when television was taking off. But those scientists couldn't have imagined the millions of videos and audio recordings always available via handheld computers! Add to that AI bots, comment sections, and livestreams—oh my! 😵
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
It makes sense that
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="parasocial relationships">
parasocial relationships
</a>
exist at every age and stage, sometimes by design, like Elmo or Dora addressing little kids directly for learning purposes. When we're older, it can be fun to rally around media that resonates with us, and the people who create it, like when your favorite artist walks out on stage and everyone goes crazy—together. 👏🏼🎉🤩
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
But online, those feelings can get expressed and directed differently. Comment sections can get ugly. Fans' support can turn toxic. For example, when Justin Bieber married Hailey Baldwin in 2018, Selena Gomez's fans were furious, and many have harassed the couple ever since.
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Parasocial relationships can also impact people in other ways, including pressure to buy promoted products or adopt practices or points of view that the celebrity pushes. Take Salish Matter, the teen who has her own line of skin care products. Kids who feel that one-sided kinship and admiration desperately want those products—
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="because they're hers">
because they're hers
</a>
. Those feelings can also get tied up with
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="peer pressure">
peer pressure
</a>
if a friend group follows the same creators and buys those products.
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="AI chatbots">
AI chatbots
</a>
are increasingly a piece of this puzzle: When kids don't know where to turn, there's a bot waiting to answer questions, offer comfort, and supply unconditional support. Though it feels like an interaction with a real person, one update can change the bot's personality. A parent trying to
<em>
improve
</em>
their kid's well-being may take away devices, severing connection with the bot-turned-friend or coach. That sycophantic support can push people into dangerous thoughts and actions.
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
But parasocial relationships aren't inherently harmful! They can give us a sense of belonging and being
<em>
seen
</em>
. They can inspire us to do
<em>
positive
</em>
things.
<strong>
The benefits of these feelings depend heavily on these factors:
</strong>
</p>
<p style="margin:0">
</p>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
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<tr>
<td class="pad" style="padding-left:10px;padding-right:10px">
<div style="margin-left:-20px">
<ul start="1" style="margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;list-style-type:revert">
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<strong>
A person having authentic, in-person human connection.
</strong>
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<strong>
The content, messages, and products that the object of the parasocial relationship is promoting.
</strong>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
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<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Having solid, reciprocated human connection in our lives allows us balance and perspective about our priorities. Generally speaking, we're also less easily swayed by
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="values that don't align">
values that don't align
</a>
with our own. Struggling to find belonging and connection in "real" life can make the online substitutions feel simpler. Unfortunately, they're also more easily unbalanced, ephemeral, influenced by
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="algorithms">
algorithms
</a>
, or literally inhuman (in the case of AI bots).
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
As adults, it's helpful to acknowledge our own parasocial relationships so we can approach kids with empathy and curiosity, not dismissal. And then, when your students come in repeating something IShowSpeed said on a livestream, or they can't stop sketching their
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="favorite anime character">
favorite anime character
</a>
, you can understand the feelings and forces in play.
<strong>
You can also recognize when parasocial relationships seem out of balance with mutual ones, which could mean there's underlying loneliness in need of some in-person, two-sided grounding
</strong>
. 🫶🏽
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Here are some resources to help kids understand parasocial relationships and build those important in-person ones:
</p>
<p style="margin:0">
</p>
</div>
</td>
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<tr>
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<ul start="1" style="margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;list-style-type:revert">
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Curiosity Tellers">
Curiosity Tellers
</a>
(Grade 1)
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Who Is in Your Online Community">
Who Is in Your Online Community?
</a>
(Grade 2)
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Friend vs. Followers">
Friend vs. Followers
</a>
(Grade 5)
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Parasocial Relationships">
Parasocial Relationships
</a>
(Grade 7)
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="AI Chatbots & Friendship">
AI Chatbots & Friendship
</a>
(Grade 8)
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="3 Core Human Skills to Build Before AI Use">
3 Core Human Skills to Build Before AI Use
</a>
</li>
<li aria-level="1" style="Margin:0 0 10px 0">
<a data-mce-attributes-count="1" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="Offline Digital Citizenship: Soft Skills to Support Strong Online Habits">
Offline Digital Citizenship: Soft Skills to Support Strong Online Habits
</a>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
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<td class="pad">
<div style="color:#222;direction:ltr;font-family:Lato,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:24px;font-weight:400;letter-spacing:0;line-height:1.5;text-align:left;mso-line-height-alt:36px">
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Best,
</p>
<p style="margin:0;margin-bottom:0">
Chrissy
</p>
<p style="margin:0">
<br/>
<strong>
Fun link of the week:
</strong>
<a style="text-decoration: underline; color: #423FE1;" target="_self" title="When the parasocial feelings run deep">
When the parasocial feelings run deep
</a>
<strong>
.
</strong>
</p>
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Pen Pals in a Connected World
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GET SOME TIPS
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SHARE WITH FAMILIES
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1 week, 1 day ago - hello@news.commonsensemedia.org
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